Saturday, April 28, 2007
past mistakes
many people ask. what happened to yijun? yea something happened. i guess i treated her like a second layhoon and i treated her the way i treated layhoon. and i guess she misunderstand many things i did. it was a long story. she was one of those who was willing to help me get through many things aft the broke up. ya i guess i did have that little feeling for her but nt very deep. cause i was still thinking about bridget. yea for 2 months aft i lost bridget. its always been bridget. i didnt say this so that people think its a trick to get her back but ya its true. i mean yea i shouldn replace yijun as a second layhoon who used to care and talk to me. worst part was that i lied to her when i was feeling sad all the while. cause i couldn stop thinking abt bridget. to all my friends. i also lied to u when i said i alr forgotten abt bridget in the first place. when u asked me whether i wanted her back. i have always wanted to say a yes but i thought maybe it was just a feeling that wouldn last.. i thought that kinda feeling would go away soon so i told u guys i wont go back to bridget. but now that i lost yijun and layhoon. seems like i only have this blog and maybe zhi,julian or kt to talk to.
i thought to myself also. how did that numb feeling came about when i wanted to break with bridget. and why that sudden urge of getting her back just feew days later. what was i thinking about? something that cannot be comprehensible by maths or science. whatever it is. i know wat i really want right now. and i cant remove that fear of trying to get her back.
layhoon hope u dont misunderstand wat i said in my previous post. i said forget it cause i dont wanna talk abt it. but i guess both of us need to cool down. i really still cant forget how close we used to be and i know how impt u really are to me as a friend. i miss the times we used to hang out. i believe the bond is there but i dont know whats happening thats drifting us apart.
Labels: can never seem to go away and what happens when its all too late when i really start trying, the fear thats inside of me