just learn to forget. something i could easily do. just put my mind somewhere else not including eyeing on other girls cause that wouldn't help. sometimes its just too hard. i tried working my ass off last time. i tried relying on someone else but i just end up doing bad things. i tried talking i tried having fun i tried being happy i tried being a retard i tried being emo. and all this things. including being yourself. wouldn't get me anywhere. i had this mind set last year. i wanted to settle down, to love and not to leave anymore. i found the one for me. i blew off my chance. or in fact my best chance to settle down. and why would i say that. because i didn't realise until i lost it. and being remorseful. than again. brought me nowhere. the love of my life. although i did have a couple of ex before. and nothing beats the 2 months with u. and nothing beats the pain im having now. overwhelmed with guilt, and sometimes i feel like giving up on myself.cause no one. except me. could do something stupid like that. i need time to change. to stand up again. to be someone. who can appreciate the good things i have in my life. and never to throw this chance away anymore. and i guess i got a good tongue lashing from all my friends before. all my good friends. they wouldn't pity me for now. cause yes they know i deserved it. at least i guess thats what they are thinking. if i dont change now. i guess in future i will do something stupid again. which is think is rather dumb.
so even though im out of her life. im secretly praying for a second chance. and i know. there wouldn be. just take it as a dream or a wish which can never be fulfiled. but i guess its ok to dream sometimes. i will take the memories, i will take the letters and carry along with me in my life. whenever i think of it. whenever i see it. i can feeling something telling me. its like an alarm telling me to wake up my idea. telling me to do the right things. telling me not to be too rush in my decision. telling me to treasure the person u love. telling me to sacrifice and not to be self centered. to think twice. and many more. and even though we are just friends. u are still impt in my life. maybe i just can't show it. but definitely someone that can never be forgotten.

Labels: i miss everything

Jeremy
Singapore Poly
:)

Sernzhi
Kahtien
Dez
Bridget
Layhoon
Carmen
Jasmine
Peiling
Cynthia
Julian
Hongwei[blackie]